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Healing from the Pain of Betrayal in Marriage

Healing from the Pain of Betrayal in Marriage


Healing from the Pain of Betrayal in Marriage


Betrayal may take many forms, such as abandonment, vicious gossip, or a series of indiscretions that deteriorate your trust, confidence, and respect. Betrayal has ended long-term friendships and divided closely knit families. Discovering that someone you trusted has betrayed you can leave you feeling shocked and deeply hurt.

Of all types of betrayal, the most painful may be a spouse’s unfaithfulness. Resentment is an understatement of what is actually felt. According to the course content published by ContinuingEdCourses, a spouse who discovers that his or her partner is having an affair has higher chances of developing depression and anxiety.

If you discover this, you may immediately want to end the marriage. It is extremely difficult to imagine reviving a marriage strained by depression caused by someone who has violated your trust. Betrayal in marriage reflects a wanton disregard for the feelings of someone one is supposed to cherish and protect until death.


Working to Rebuild Trust

Remarkably, not all couples divorce after a betrayal. Some do reconcile. This, however, can only succeed once healing has taken place. It is a comfort to know that there is hope for a marriage, even after a storm. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, most marriages become stronger and more intimate after seeking professional help.

Rebuilding trust can be a difficult process. Acknowledging that betrayal is not always caused by a problem in the relationship can help in your healing. It helps too if you can use the crisis to constructively work toward better understanding your partner. Developing an awareness of how your partner thinks, feels, and behaves is essential in rebuilding trust. This can help reduce the chance of another betrayal in the future.

If you are the one who was unfaithful, you are likely plagued by feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, and remorse. Knowing you have hurt a loved one may affect your own self-esteem and identity. Keep in mind that it may take time for your partner to heal and to trust you again, so be prepared for the consequences and take responsibility for your mistake. The same goes for the betrayed. It may be a bitter pill to swallow, but taking responsibility for what happened is a crucial step to take if the relationship is to be saved.


A Gamble Worth Taking

Entrusting your emotional well-being to a person you choose to love and trust is an active process. It often leads to the naïve notion that you can’t be hurt, saddened, devastated, confused, or aggrieved by that person. On the other hand, when you’re reeling from the experience of being betrayed by a romantic partner, it is natural to wonder if you can ever learn to love or trust again.

Many couples have been successful in healing from the pain of betrayal. This may take effort, patience, and understanding, but it can come in due time, especially if you enlist the help of a counselor. Nothing is certain, but it is a risk worth taking. For the one who betrayed, the gamble lies in facing his or her inadequacies and capacity to hurt a loved one, and working to regain that person’s trust. For the deceived spouse, the gamble is in the act of forgiving, and possibly in getting hurt again.

Rebuilding trust after a betrayal can’t happen overnight. The journey is not fast, and there may be many pitfalls along the way. Many couples reach the end of the road and find that their relationships are stronger and more stable. They have discovered their weaknesses and used therapy to strengthen themselves as individuals and as a couple to prevent another crisis in their marriage.


Reaching Out to Heal

It’s not easy to make the pain go away or change what happened when you’re hurt. Betrayal is more than a marital conflict you can sweep under the rug. You can reach out for support and comfort from other people you love, such as family and friends. It can also be beneficial to reach out to a professional. Some couples may avoid opening up to their usual support system for fear of shame or humiliation, but a professional counselor is an objective and confidential source of help.

If you’re concerned that the betrayal in your marriage may compromise your identity, self-esteem, and feelings of security, you can seek help from Carolina Counseling Services — Pinehurst, NC. The independently contracted counselors at CCS can be relied upon to help and protect you, whether you decide to get counseling individually or with your spouse. When you make a call, you’ll be matched with the right-fit therapist who will work with you through your painful feelings and help you examine your options and work through the issues in a constructive way. Contact CCS — Pinehurst, NC, now!


Serving Areas: Carolina Counseling Services – Pinehurst, NC

Counties: Moore county, NC, Lee County, Hoke County, Chatham County

Areas: Pinehurst NC, West End NC, Taylortown NC, Seven Lakes NC, Eagle Springs NC, Jackson Springs NC, Foxfire NC, Candor NC, Norman NC, Ellerbe NC, Rockingham NC

Zip Codes: 27281, 27376, 28315, 28347, 28350, 28373, 28374, 28387, 28388, 28394

Kelly ErkenBrack, LCSW

Specializes in: (Ages 3+) Children, Teens, Adults, Couples and Families. Anxiety, Depression, Grief and Loss, Mood Disorders, Trauma, Adjustments and Life Transitions, ADHD, Behavioral Issues, Parenting, Relationship Concerns, Self Esteem
Insurance: BCBSTricare Prime/Select, Medicare and Cash
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Location: Pinehurst, NC

Robin Caswell, MSW, LCSW

Specializes in: (Ages 5+), Individuals, Adults, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Loss, ADHD, ODD, Trauma/PTSD, LGBTQ, Self-Harm, Military Family Life, Mood Disorders, OCD, Phobias
Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare and Cash
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Location: Pinehurst, NC

Counseling Information

How Do I Set Up my FIRST Appointment?

  • Call: 910-420-3600 (Fastest way to schedule)
  • Text: (910) 308-3291 (Reply will be via phone)
  • Click here and use our Contact Form (You must include your phone number, because replies will only be made by telephone to ensure security/privacy)
  • Call or Text for your New Patient Appointment Anytime!
  • Appointment scheduling for NEW clients: Mon-Fri 8:30am-5pm
  • Established/Standing Appointments are made directly with your therapist!
  • Referrals: MOST beneficiaries do NOT need a Referral!

Other Contact Info

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Carolina Counseling Services – Pinehurst, NC

45 Dowd Circle Suite 5
PinehurstNC 28374

Our Mailing Address:

PO BOX 9909
Fayetteville, NC 28311